reasons...

went to Münster because i wanted to visit Steph,
went to Düsseldorf because i wanted to eat japanese ramen and shop for a pair of shorts and clothes (since i forgot to bring the bag of clothes) and to visit Helen n Yun,
went for a bike tour around Münster because the place is meant for cycling,
dipped my feet in the lake because it's a sign of spring/summer,
paddled a boat while eating cake because it is fun~


someone please remind me again of why do we need reasons for everything?

June!

It's May already, April has been quite a fruitful month, got my official-first-ever-pay (all those extra angpao money i got doesn't really count coz it is not banked into my account :p)

i compared the months May n June on my outlook calender and so many things to look forward to in June, for a start it's 3 long weekend in a row! woohoo! the first-i-still-dunno-how-i-m-gonna-spend-it-weekend, then the annual Festival von Hoffnungdeutschland and lo n behold, the MALAGA BEACH weekend...

ok this is enough to hype up my day in the office and start with my paperwork for the project which i m working on...

feeling-oh-so-random-again
Pat

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not the intended one posted...

i actually wanted to post sth which was running around in my head, mainly about the aftermath of the sibu by-election but then i feel like it's too much of political stuffs around (and i still want my scholarship) haha so i decided to write about sth different... no more politics... watever happens, i remain neutral... ok, maybe not... haha

n this time, it's about my recent trip to the capital of Germany, Berlin...

frankly, i din actually plan for this trip, i don even bother checking wat are the must-see-places there coz i was thinking of meeting people mostly (i juz don wan to admit tat i m simply lazy), n i m glad i met a wonderful bunch of berliners* and a big shoutout to Mr Z, the best senior in the whole world! who despite having 2 reports* to write and hand in the next week, stil brought me around visiting places n people...

during this trip, i met a girl who told me that generally germans are quite ashamed of their own history and i agreed... but that was before i took a city tour wif the coolest tour guide whose story telling skills totally blows you off n the way she presented the whole history of berlin in just a few hours of the tour make me excited even about the fact that i m actually in berlin... during my last summer trip to poland, i've learned about europe during second world war and about the uprising of the national socialist party or widely known as the nazis and their downfall... then i came back to germany not knowing what happen after tat, n this time in berlin, i relearn again the history of europe from the germany point of view...

after the second world war there's the division between east and west germany (go read urself if u r interested about this) and berlin being in east germany is again being split into east and west berlin (confusing right? then it's time to visit berlin n get it all right...) so who's the government now? west berlin then was under a jointly occupation of the 4 allied powers and east berlin under the soviet rule... then come the berlin wall who separated the whole of berlin into 2 parts overnight... basically it's a tragic! and after dunno how many years, a misleading press statement leads to the fall of the wall... how interesting could it be? berlin wall came down because of a small mistake during a press conference???!!!

ok so after the press conference, of coz ppl were all hyped out... after so many years being separated n suddenly this big boss came out n said berlin is unified again... so ppl began to march to the wall and it was so overwhelming tat the border guards decide to put down their weapons n let the ppl thru... n the day was 9th of september, 1989... who would thought that berlin is such a young city! so once again, the power of ppl overcome the authority of the east german government tat had kept them confined all these years... so i said, germans! be proud of urselves!

ok i shud stop typing n go back to my studies... ok, as u can see from my post, i look calm n smart, but i m neither both! juz realise tat i lost my second bike this year n i m not happy at all! n exams coming out in 1 month time n i m freaking out now!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!! omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg! do u sense my nervousness n restlessness n helplessness now???

***Footnotes
1*berliner in german means a lot of things, first a donut wif fillings or second, ppl who lives in berlin, and third, it also refers to the late president of usa, J.F.Kennedy

2*report in german means unending work to do, to understand this, u hav to understand that behind every report, there's sth going on, eg. a lab experiment or a research topic or a group project, n behind that is another round of preparations for either a lab or discussions and behind that is again sleepless nights or nightmares which you don understand at all coz they are all in german and behind that is a short celebration of the previous report you hav manage to put in during the very last minute and behind that is the writing of the report n the process continue EVERY damn semester... ok u get the rough idea of wat a report is now...

i wan...

my blue sky back!!! giv me sun!!!

the purple building on the right is where i stay now...

list of things i try so hard to find

but failed...

1.  My lost snow cap (still refuse to accept the fact tat it is gone, forever!)
2.  A perfect dress for a wedding
3.  A sweater that scream 'BUY ME!'
4.  Double eye lid tape/glue
5.  A pair of shoes that keep my cold feet warm yet look chic (most winter shoes are ugly!)
6.  Unagi rice! (been craving for this since i dunno when, and the craving just won't die down)
7.  Motivation to clean up my room (it has been like that since i move back last month, i am really not the neat type, and the room is making me more depressed!)
8.  More money (anyone could use some extra cash right?)
9.  A company to do my bachelor thesis (YES, i am THAT desperate)
10.  A machine/person that can help me wif the above mentioned things.

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help!

i do not speak german anymore!!!
it doesn't seem to come out of my mouth naturally...
n i nearly fail my lab bcoz of tat...
arghhhhh!!!!!

i....mmmuuuussst... speeeeeeeeeeeeaak... sssooooommmeeee... geeeerrmmaan...

(i m suppose to say it in german but failed...)

note to self

i am the one on the left...



Would appreiciate a sunflower right now...



yes Pat, keep breathing...

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Weird

i don't know whether it's just me but i think i've just developed a fear of quarter life crisis (if i were to live until 100 years old) Everything that happens around me seems so surreal and it is just weird. Here is a list of unbelievable events :

1.  I might be a mechanical engineer graduate soon! (if i manage to pass 6 papers and finish building my solar cooker)
2.  My youngest brother is going off to uni too.
3.  Hearing my parents discussing about buying 2 new single beds (for themselves)
4.  Start listing 25 things that I should do before I turn 25 and actually doing them
5.  Start thinking of the possibility of going on a hiking trip with my Tibet-fanatic-dad
etc etc and the list goes on

Guess what? The most unbelievable thing of all is that I am actually going to London next week! Like you, i never realise the significant of this trip to London until I was chatting with a friend and we talk about our childhood dreams and suddenly the thought hits me. I did, 7 years ago, wrote in my high school year book about my dream, one of them is to go to London in 2012 to watch olympics. Well i did not manage to become a volunteer for Olympic games this time but at least I.am.finally.going.to.London

Cheerio
Pat-going-off-to-Europe-Trip-again

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GRATiAE Organic Silky Passion Fruit and Lime Body Butter is a rich, creamy, all-over body moisturizer formulated with natural and organic ingredients such as Jojoba, which is known to help reduce wrinkles and other lines associated with aging as well as promote cellular renewal, and sweet almond oil to soften the skin and to promote a clear, young looking complexion. This special formula is easily absorbed into the skin, as it conditions, softens, and prevents dryness.Here at GRATiAE Organics, we are committed not only to seeking and sustaining organic and natural materials, but also to using all our planet's resources wisely. We use “Responsibly Wild Crafted” herbs which are harvested with minimal environmental impact and are replanted with long-term sustainability in mind. In addition, we're focused on Holistically balanced products which keep the plant constituents in a state of "natural wholeness" without adulterating any "naturally-occurring bonds". (This kind of product is achieved utilizing a proprietary cold extraction process .) Holistically Balanced products enable us to maintain a focus on the whole plant and the synergistic action of all of the constituents in the plant as created by Nature. All GRATiAE products are cruelty- free, not tested on animals, and they come in packaging that's recyclable. GRATiAE Organics... Created by Nature, Perfected by Science.

PANIKKKKKK!!!!

i m facing fear right now... fear of failing exams, fear of speaking words, fear of hurting ppl unintentionally, fear of the future, to summarise it all, fear of the unknown... It all happens one day, when i was sitting in my classroom, staring at the lecturer as usual, n suddenly it hits me, november is slowly passing by n then it's christmas then come exams! Since then, my heart cont to beat so hard tat i can feel it in my throat... Still i went to join my church pastor n some frens for dinner in a nearby city tat night, had a great time just enjoying the fellowship, chatting n getting advices on starting anew wif my quiet time... I decided to ditch my old style of reading the bible word by word to a global understanding of the books to see the different characteristics of God n men... I oso challenge myself to spend more time in the MORNING for my quite time, which means go to bed earlier so as not to affect my at-least-7-hours-beauty-sleep! Hah! N today is the first day in which i ended up snoozing an extra 15 mins instead of the original plan of waking up earlier... Ah well, 4263157846592 days to go! Haha

Who's my happily-ever-after?

When it comes to BGR topics, i always thought i knew it all... until i was in CA n the theme was yet another session of the BGR topic... but i was reminded once again, that God is actually sparing my future husband all the pains n troubles if i were to meet him now so unprepared, n tat i shud not pester God over n over again to show me who's the Mr-Right from the example of Adam and Eve. It was refreshing to know all these things that shows God majestic plans for all humankind.

haih... being God is so not easy... kesian Him...

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Mountain climbing...

as i was sharing wif frens about my mountain climbing experience (yea, the one i din make it to the top...) i suddenly recall sth n decided to share it out here....

life is like climbing a range montain...
when u r doing it, u don really see the route ahead,
the only thing you know tat when the journey gets tough,
it means you are going uphill ;
when the journey gets easy,
you are actually heading towards the valley...
but watever happens, just keep going,
there will be ups n downs, just keep pressing on
someday somehow you will reach the highest point...

key word here... keep the faith!

What is this feeling?

butterflies in your stomach...

Updates!

i started my internship in Sax (not real name of coz...) on Monday n hav been eating lunch alone for 2 days already... is there anyone out there who wud like to eat wif me???

some of the funny scenes during my 3 days of internship :

Scene 1 :
Due to the big area of the manufacturing plant , i practically jog to my department, which is situtated at the other end of the proximity... this morning, a worker who was having his morning puff saw me n say to me  :

'Du bist ja auf dem Weg zur Arbeit, nicht zum Flug.' 
-You are on your way to work, not to catch a flight.

me : laughs n walk 5 big steps and continue jogging to my building...


Scene 2
for the 200th time someone came to me wif a sad smile on their face...

'so is it really bad back home?'

stun for 3 seconds, i think to myself 'WHAT? price hike on kampua again???!! NOOOO!!!!'

10 seconds later...

'oh, they are asking about Japan'
'i am from Malaysia actually but i heard it's really bad in Japan...
(trying to explain without letting them down)

haih... shall read up more about the nuclear reactor breakdown so as to have conversation starters wif ppl around me...

Why the difference?

I had a lovely bunch of visitors from Korea during the weekend and we had such a good time together.  Finally there's so many people to talk about my kpop obesessions and share our thoughts and views on the current boyband/girlgroup or variety shows, korean culture, language, food etc.

one of the visitors, Miss A used to be my junior during secondary school and this common thread would be the topic of our chats.  I remembered last time how i use to be so rebellious and will always do little little things to support my idea of silent rebel, eg eat in the classroom when it is banned, not wearing name tags when walking through the human barriers of prefects every morning then put it back once i walk pass them and it really bring back a lot of memories of how i spread my influence to my gang of bffs that time.  To be frank i am not proud of these memories.  I only look back at my past with a teeny weeny bit of shame because the things that i thought was cool back then deemed to be so childish now.  (my fingers and toes cringed at the thought of it... yer...)

Why the difference between then and now, i ask myself - only God knows.

Asking the hard questions - Part 1

to let go or not to let go?

This post is the sequel to the previous one, inspired by the lovely and loud visitors (since there are 2 sibu-ians among them) when they were with me on saturday.

So this time it is Miss M, who I had a really really good conversation with. We manage to find time to squeeze in a sharing session in the middle of the night, after they cooked me supper - korean ramen with melting cheese on top (yummeh!) So as icebreaker, i asked her THE question and it naturally lead the conversation into the topic of BGR, so we discussed a bit of what our stands are , then it sort of went into a small sub-topic which really strikes me a lot - the asian church culture.  After being in Germany for nearly 3 years, i tend to forget how was it back then in Acts, when it is a cool n hip thing to go to church.  In Germany only nerds with no life who are not partying n getting drunk on weekends are free on a Sunday.

Back then, i most probably don't remember why i was there every Sunday, was it for the food after each service, the pumped up P&W sessions that left me tearing or the awesome people I get to serve with?  Even till today I struggle a lot with this, I felt so alone in this journey, I easily shun away from people whom i think are pulling me down and not building me up.  I really wish to have passionate people alongside with me, encouraging and consoling me when I feel like giving up.

I guess I am still not ready to let go of this hypocrisy in me.

Asking the hard questions - Part 3

Day 50 : 353hr 45min

Those are not juz any random numbers, today marks the 50th day or 353hours n 45 mins of my time in Company Sax (not real name of coz...) maybe i shud stay 15 mins longer juz to make it 354hours...

Wat prompt me to write sth on my 50th day?

I nearly got run down by a truck, not the big one of coz, but the small fork-lift-truck which ppl drive around as if they are Formula One racing car.  I shall call them the Stapler (it's a real name this time, but in german)  The stapler driver drives his stapler, as if he is Jay Chou in the movie Initial D, he literally drifts his stapler, as in by braking it's hind wheels and turn 90 degs in 2 seconds. And mind u, staplers don't usually comes wif signal light. I mean, how on earth am i suppose to know whether they are going to turn within 3 seconds?  ok, i shall be grateful tat i m still alive now, the stapler driver is quite used to idiotic ppl like me who stand in their way.  It was partially my fault for not staying on the pedestrian walkway, i mean, again how am i suppose to know where to walk n where not to? 

This is how a stapler looks like.

ok enough of the stapler story. No wait, there is another thing about stapler drivers.  They are the cutest ppl on earth, i mean who in germany gives u a horn 10 meters away and WAVES at u? awwwww.... they juz make my day... will definitely miss them once i go back to the books...

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My Bersih Story

Nope i did not went to any event. It's just so coincidently happen that Bersih was held as the same day as the concert that was inspired by Oprah, yeah the Oprah Winfrey from the Oprah Winfrey show. Don't believe, check the poster below.

A proof that i wasn't in any Bersih event.

So this time, together with a few friends, we decided to do a Unplug 2.0 Why the 2.0 behind? beats me. i just think it sounds cooler. Nah, it's a continuation of what has been organised last time, we name the 'Hillsong conference' Unplug and we ran out of ideas what to name it again, so we add a 2.0 behind, like Nasi Lemak 2.0 and Bersih 3.0 (i hope everyone gets the joke)

Sorry for the lack of words in this post. Have been busy. *sigh i can't even find words to describe how busy i am.

By the way, one interesting comment i found on fb and i just had to copy n paste it here without consent from the author :

Kalau korang guna wang sendiri kesana lantak korangla...tapi kalau ditaja oleh kerajaan ...memang ko tak sedar dik untung...

This comment just leave me speechless. lantak lah

Checklist

1.  Pay rent and deposit for new house -  check
2.  Set up appointment for new hoouse - check
3.  Clearing up old house - check
4.  Print out all boarding passes - check
5.  Email sponsor about the trip - check
6.  Camera all cleared up n fully charged - check
5.  Passport - check

all set and ready to go!!!

Still alive!

I hope i m not giving people the false impression that i was in Latvia for the past few months since i have yet to update my blog in a very looooooooong time. Yes finally i am back! (after travelling across the Latvian border into the Russian territory and got caught because i don have a visa and now i finally have my freedom!)

Just kidding!

I am still a tax-payers-sucking-JPA-scholar who still needs to write my first paper of my second semester in masters. Let the fun begins!

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this is so true...

有一種女孩子在陌生人面前會很安靜，很冷漠，
在熟人面前卻很放肆，很霸道，
並喜歡一咋一呼的說：“滾，滾蛋，壞蛋，笨蛋”。
不要認為她很粗魯，她只是很單純的認為，
大家打打鬧鬧，罵罵笑笑，表示更親切，更不分你我。

這一種女孩子不談戀愛，只在姐妹間遊蕩
即使有不錯的朋友，她還是無奈的笑笑
其實她只是在不能確定自己付出的前提下
不會接受，因為不想傷害。

這一種女孩子偶爾看到街上的情侶時，
也會幻想，也會羡慕，
幻想著將來自己的戀愛
該是多麼的帥氣，多麼的溫柔，多麼的甜蜜

這一種女孩子，
喜歡和自己的姐妹在一起打鬧，大呼小叫。
即使沒有男朋友，
在她的世界裏，也有她的驕傲！

這種女孩子也會偶爾的憂鬱，
朋友問她怎麼了 她也只會說沒事
其實她只是感覺累了，
她只是需要一個擁抱。

這種女孩子不會輕易戀愛，戀愛了一定會好好珍惜。
她會驕傲的拉著他的手大街小逛，
不要認為她放肆，
她只是答應過姐妹們幸福要大家一塊分享。

這樣的女孩子戀愛的時候
喜歡大事聽男孩子的而在小事上調皮，耍賴。
不要認為她太小氣，蠻不講理，
其實在她調皮的習慣裏已經為你收斂不少！

這樣的女孩子不允許男孩子的背叛，
如果男孩子真的辦了對不起她的事，
她一定會狠心的離開你。
不要怪她太絕情，
她其實很愛你，但是卑微的愛情她不要，
她果斷的轉身只是不想讓你看見她滑落的淚水！

這樣的女孩子失戀的時候會在別人面前裝的很好，
大聲的笑，放聲的鬧。
當姐妹心疼的說：“你沒事吧？”
她會放下她所有的驕傲，趴到姐妹懷裏哭。
哭完了，苦笑一聲：沒想到我還會為一個男的哭。

若你遇到了這樣的女孩，
如果你們是朋友，請原諒她平日的不理不睬，
其實她只是不會社交，不敢打擾，
你想想你的每一次邀約，她拒絕過你。
如果你喜歡上她，請你不要說出來，
因為她很幼稚，你會嚇跑她。
原諒她的冷漠，
她只是怕傷害你！

若她喜歡上你，請你不要在她的世界裏消失。
她沒有更多的要求，不會打擾你的生活。
她只是想靜靜的看著你，
當你的觀眾，僅此而已。

如果你們已經在一起了，
請你好好珍惜她。
這樣的女孩子、太傻，
請你別讓她受傷。

這一種女孩子就以這樣的方式生活著，
她有她的夢想，她的希望。
一個如花兒般的女孩子，
她時而快樂，時而憂傷；
時而鬱悶，時而瘋狂；
時而邪惡，時而善良；
時而脆弱，時而堅強！
你可以說她傻，也可以罵她笨，也可以說她冷，
但是她們還是生活在自己的世界裏，
希望做一個幸福、善良的孩子！

taken without consent from fb... haha

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Note from God to me...

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This i s God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.

P.S. And, remember...
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.