Strength

my holidays are slowly coming to an end... the thing i really enjoy most during the holidays is the skype calls wif my family (thanks to my frens i got a new webcam now!)

throughout the different calls i hav wif family, not all are good news... a cousin of mine juz pass away and it really saddens me when i call my aunt who still grieved the lost of her son... until now i still cannot accept the fact tat someone can juz leave us anytime without us realising it... my mum asks me to call my aunt and i m glad tat i did call her despite the fear inside me of not knowing wat to say to her... but the best thing i can do now is to be a listener and to pray for her... i've always thought that i am still consider to be young at this age to experience such things... yet another family member departing reminds me tat nth is too young or too early to happen...

Auntie Margaret, plz stay strong! i believe ah kok is now free from sufferings and is looking over u... to cousin Devano bin Hasbi, otherwise known as ah kok gor gor - Al Fatihah...

*it's a sad sad sad new year for me...

My christmas present for myself!

Minnie socks!!! thick n warm... no more cold feet!

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Mahlzeit!

means 'mealtime' in german... i dunno y but i keep hearing ppl shouting it to each other b4 lunchbreak, funny thing is only in this semester i realise it, i wonder wat hav i been doing for the 2 years of my life in germany...

anyway, back to 'mahlzeit', i've always enjoy the time i spend eating together wif my housemate, usually it'll be basmati rice straight from the rice cooker with vegies (if i m cooking) and throat-choking spicy sauce (if she's cooking) wif chicken... n we talk a lot when we eat...

lately the topic has always been circulating around 'marriage', mainly due to many acquaintances n frens getting proposed n married around this time and she has some thoughts about it too n shared about her plans in the next 3 years before she graduate n wat is she going to do after graduation... n she asked me whether i'm ready for marriage! then it got me thinking, hold on a sec! there's still so much things i haven't accomplish as a single-n-stil-mingling person, my plans of europe trip wif parents, volunteering for london olympics (just send out my application last week), my african dream, gap years, short-term-mission-b4-i-turn-25-pledge etc etc... (sorry grace, i've been seriously thinking about the trans-asia-trip but i felt like it doesn't benefit others much so i'll giv it a skip)

so the plan is, to accomplish everything b4 i graduate, coz after tat will be a whole new world n so many things to consider - time factor, financial status, relationship n the list goes on... time oh time, plz wait!

Mary stayed out all night...

Spoiler alert!

매리는 외박중 / Maerineun Oebakjoong

The latest craze of my life now... the only thing i look forward to on Mondays... omg, they are going to find out tat all this while 'the marriage' is fake and tat JGS is really starting to like MGY! can't wait for next monday!

my dream hair, red-purple wif wavy bob...

World Cup 2010

i was never a big football fan or soccer, whatever u call it... but for some reasons i never knew, i will always make an effort to watch some matches during the world cup... yesterday was the first match btw South Africa n Mexico (never knew that south africa is a name of a country b4) and watching the last few mins of the match juz bring back some memories...

8 years ago, i remembered that it was after midnight, n i was in secondary sch... n as a secondary sch student, usually u r not allowed to stayed up so late to watch tv... however, tat night was the quater final match btw south korea n i-forgot-which-country-is-it-now n so i decided to stayed up late n don care bout my mum's nagging to watch it... it was a match i wud never forget, south korea manage to score a goal during the last minutes of the game n entered the finals... or is it a third-fourth placing game? nvm... back then, i dunno wat is the meaning of offside, or was it offset?

4 years ago, world cup was held in Germany, the most annoying world cup i've ever experienced, nearly 8 out of 10 ppl asked me about Germany n whether i will be there to watch it or not? the problem is, i juz knew tat i wud be studying in Germany 2 years LATER, n i noe nth bout Germany back then... n so it was the finals btw france n again-i-forgot-which-country-is-it-already, n there i were with Miss J n Miss S, my friends from kindergarten (goodness, when can u hav the chance to watch a world cup final with ur kindy frens?) n the location was in one of the tv room of my college hostel... n who could ever forget the famous headbutt from Zidane? n i thought i knew wat offside means back then...

n fast forward to present days, here i m in a small town in Germany n experiencing the football heat here... i think this wud be the most patriotic time for the Germans because i see german flags everywhere around my hostel... n even my uni has a live viewing of the first match outdoors, talking about football fever!

so wat is the point i m trying to make here? recalling the experience from the previous 2 world cups, i realise tat i was in different locations... it amazes me tat how funny God works in my life, n here i m again, in a new location in yet another time of world cup... although it's now the most crucial preparation time for the coming exam, i was being reminded again that i m not here by accident, i m here for a purpose n now i hav a new motivation to do wat i m doing again...

so having world cup around exam time is not so bad at all!

The author thinks that she knows what offside means now, thanks to Mr K. She will be having 7 subjects in july and hopes that she can achieve better results compared to last semester. N having all the cute footballers during this world cup time cannot stop her too!

我爱，故我在。。。

I love, therefore I am here...

bad translation i noe... haha...

i realise i haven't been thinking for the past few months... it seems like the more free time i have, the busier i'll be... there's always not enough time for anything, not enough time for studying, eating, email, keeping in touch wif frens etc etc...

how can this be? i remember when i first reached germany, i think a lot... i analyse human behavior n how my actions reflect other ppl n vice versa... then come a point of i-don-care-about-other-ppl-anymore phase, since then i've giv up on thinking...

i oweys talk about working, but there's no initiative from me... unless the job opportunity drops right in front of my nose, i don think i will ever go work... i dunno y, i juz don feel the need to work - for me, working means being scolded everyday... so y shud i put myself in a situation like this?

i sense sth big happening, sth to be awakened... i wan to be more spiritual, not juz outer religious looks (which i don think i hav either...) i refuse to be worldly n secular, which is not really a choice i can make if i keep worrying about things n ppl around me...

aish...

more updates...

i think the exam stress r coming... tat's y i keep updating... haha

ok... now i shall post about things tat i wan to do when i go back as one form of motivation for my exams :

1. EATTTTTTTTTT my heart out... eg, kampua, kompia, zhou cai hun ngan, satay, be ting yue, kui chap, bak kut teh, lo mee, sizzling mee in hot plate...
2. Go KL n SHOPPPPPPPPP til i drop, not forgetting redbox...
3. Go malacca to eat chicken rice balls n satay celup...
4. Treat my family a very nice dinner in a very nice restaurant...
5. Visit pak cik n family in Bangi...
6. Go singapore to visit uncle n auntie (of coz to shop as well...)
7. Buy new laptop...
8. Brush up my foochow...
9. Go for another longhouse trip...
10. Make a video about one idea tat has been owey been there but i never put effort to it...
11. Meeting old frens (if there's stil any left in sibu...)
12. Look forward to meet the new ppl in youth service...
13.
14.
15.

and the list goes on n on...

to be cont...

To-do-list

1. Call taxi fella - check
2. Call phone company - check
3. Call company Z* - check
4. Don't jump from balcony - check

Be myself

There's not many ppl out there who let me be myself when i am around with them. That's the main identity issue i face when i am wif different ppl because i don't know how to react to them anymore. To some ppl i can easily be myself, to others, i just hav to put on a mask.

This post is for those who trust me and appreciate me for being who i am, the real me. Thank you very much!

btw, i juz found a verse that really strike me regarding wat i faced last week :

James 1:19
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Just in time to learn this precious lesson!

Talking to myself...

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found

The lost get found
-Britt Nicole-

Hello my friend
I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain't worth stayin'
You wanna run but you're hesitatin'
I'm talkin' to me

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There's a girl on the streets, she's cryin'
There's a man whose faith is dyin'
Love is calling you


Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way

ah bao

tat's what i call my lil bro, ok he's not tat little, if u think i m really tall, think again, my bro is one head taller than me... anyway, it's his birthday today, n i wanted to skype but got no laptop so i wud like to wish him a very blessed birthday here, n go get all A+'s in ur SPM this year!

isn't he cute? haha... lelong lelong, satu malam dua puluh!

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Things planned for today...

prepare for communion on sunday, class, grocery shopping, christmas market, glühwein, dinner with Rolf

if i continue to blog so shortly, i might as well switch to twitter or tumblr... haha

New series : The beginning of an end...

Today, I've witnessed something spectacular, the waking up of Rosetta, a satellite that underwent a deep space hibernation. I found myself in a very unfamiliar environment, surrounded by a group of people with faith, and a lot of it. In a country where security comes before anything else and at a time where internet and smartphones doesn't exists, under so many unknown circumstances in the outer space, they have faith to build something that was so ahead of their time - a comet chaser they called it. And their faith is so big that it sustains them through the 10 years since launching the satellite, and the pessimism of people around them.

So 20 years later, I have the honour to stumble upon an invitation to the Waking Up Event of Rosetta on facebook that I thought would be interesting for Miss G. I have no idea that it will be a life changing moment for me as well. I came from a place deemed of its great politeness of not saying 'No'. Contrary to my expectations, what I didn't realise is that how personal is the satellite to the people who are at the live event - tears were shed, emotions shown.

Hours of waiting for a slight change in the spectrum detector

And finally the Wake-up signal arrives!
#ESA's Rosetta comet chaser has 'phoned home after waking from hibernation. The spike on the spectrum analyser is the carrier signal. Data will be coming soon (a bit slowly 8.7 bits/sec -- because the spacecraft is 800 million kilometres away). From DLR Facebook page.

It was indeed a day I would never forget and I figure this is worth noting down as I am nearing an end of a journey, which is my student life. So I guess I will start writing again this year. 2013 was a great year for me because I've learnt so much out of it. 2014 on the other hand, is going to be exciting. It will be a year of changes and big decisions are expected to be made, so it will be interesting to see how everything is going to turn out in the end (for me personally), and it will also be interesting if I can have a platform to jot down the small things that contributes to the big picture at the end of 2014 and I can look back at it with a thankful heart.

Here's to 2014 - the beginning of an end.

Words that might just change your life...

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." - C.S.Lewis

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." - Mother Teresa

"Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear." - Thomas Jefferson

"For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible." - Author unknown

10 things I haven't done yet since coming to Europe

1. Gotten drunk
You might ask, what's the definition of drunk? Is it waking up at the very next morning and totally forgot what happened the night before. Then no. The last attempt was chinese new year 3 years ago when i ended up losing half of my 'friends' and one week of red patches all over the body. Will definitely not give up anything for that experience again.
2. Gone to disneyland
I know, it's every child's dream to go there. I really wanted to go, but during the 2 times I was in Paris, i just feel like window shopping is the only thing i wanted to do. Don't mind going there in the future, but with someone who's very persistent to go. 
3. Gotten a piercing
To tell the truth, I've really considered it. There's even a funny story behind it and the topic was about a friend's baptism and somehow the topic of getting a piercing appear out of nowhere and we had a good laugh. And somehow the thought of having a piercing juz pass by like a wind.
4. Tried smoking weed
They say when in Amsterdam, do what's already legal there. But somehow i prefer the windmills and the flowers, van gogh, red light district, anne frank and last but not least the driving in the city centre(duh). Nearly all of my friends people that i've known who have been there (and i heard) they tried marijuana or space cakes (whatever u wan to replace the word drugs with) but I'm still too skeptical of smoking weed as a mean of showing off.
5. Gone camping
Don't get me wrong, i am a proud brownie and girl guide. I've learn them all - the signs, the flags, the knots etc etc. It's all in the head and let the scouts do them. However, i've heard that camping here in Europe is not like back in Malaysia where muddy floor and team building activities come to mind. So we will see.
6. Taken a bubble bath
Whenever i go to the Drogerie markt (literally translated to a drug store, not related to point 4 at all) where they have the whole section of bath salts and bath oils for all sorts of purpose, whether u are sick, stressed out or u juz wanna take bath etc. People here actually believe that soaking themselves in a bathtub helps. To me, that's a lot of wrinkled skin. 
7. Gone swimming in a swimming pool in summer
It's a trend to go to the swimming pool during summer. I've heard of stories of family outing, people going there to check out hot bikini babes/dudes but non to go swimming coz it will be so packed with people that all u do is juz soaking urself in the pool (see point 6) and the only time i've been to a swimming pool is when a fren was baptised during a church camp during winter (see point 3) and the biggest joke here is i don't even know how to swim.
8. Eat bread or potatoes as the main source of carborhydrate
Back in my hometown, i always think that i have this hippie trait in me that i am more western than the rest of the population. *smirk I think i have no idea that one day i will be in a country so west away and realise that deep inside me, i am juz as cina, if not more than all of the population. So the longest i can live is one week without rice, which was sort of being forced since it usually happen during a one-week church camp.
9. Donate my blood
I believe that none of us will say that we like needles. It is like a horror film to me. But i would like to overcome this fear because donating blood is for a good cause. But it will always remain a good cause only if I don't actually go do it!!!
10. I have to admit when it comes to point number 10, i am out of idea and instead of desperately come out with something just to fill up the list, i will be honest and tell u that there's only 9 things on my list. The things mentioned here, some i am proud of and some i am quite ashamed of. This post serves to be a pure entertainment post so if u find it funny, thank you for appreciating my humour! It's sth that i wanna learn, is to take an inspiring message and modify it to be funny, these are the things that i have in mind to tell people and also my big God and let Him be entertained!

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oops!

to the horror of the 2 motorists who're charging towards me, i drove on the right side of the road today... and when i notice the terrified looks on their face, i quickly steer left... so, nth really bad happens...

life is good back home!

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missing everyone

sitting in front of the laptop browsing at ppl's fb profile... yup, tat's wat i've been doing for the past hour in another city in my fren's room and realising that so many things happen when i'm not really around and busy travelling around east europe...

gosh i miss those ppl! esp those from CA last time... we'd gone thru so much together, so much fun, laughter, tears... and slowly i m beginning to lose contact wif them, one by one... sooner or later, we will turn out to be complete strangers to each other and i don wan tat to happen...

it is so hard to keep in touch wif ppl if u don take the extra effort and time to do it... and esp in a new environment where ur life seems to be always occupied by sth, then the priority of 'frens' u r willing to invest ur time on tends to be neglected...

to let go or not to let go... sigh

The identity project - Part 1

Being homeless for a while really taught me a lot and it is not so much of not having my own place to stay, but once again to need to stay with someone in the same room (since i have to give up my old room because i am suppose to be finished with my bachelor studies), being aware that every move that i make is being watched etc etc. And surprisingly, it is not too bad at all. To have someone to talk to all the time, to tell someone the things that i always thought no one will be interested, to be rest assure that i can fully be 'myself' and not care how would people judge the things i said (it helps when the temporary roomie is a little girl who loves to listen to stories) and the idea of letting people into my world and fear of exposing every weaknesses that i have doesn't have a strong hold on me anymore.

Having an identity helps to overcome the fear of exposing one's weaknesses and vice versa. Yes, once i overcome the fear of exposing my weaknesses, i begin to find my own identity. I am able to face myself and my weaknesses and accepting them as being part of me. Of course it comes with a cost, that people outside will notice the weaknesses and start reminding me again of them. And it really hurts. A lot. And this is the tricky part, once i realise tat i m being hurt, i begin to think of ways to avoid being hurt which resents to trying to cover up the weaknesses again, which defeats the whole purpose of the identity project.

The identity project? What is it? It is a very cool name that i thought of for the series i want to blog after this. One of the topic that i really put effort in learning especially throughout the years of my studies here in Germany is "Will the real Pat(ricia) please stand up aka Who am I?" and it is time that i summarise what i've learnt in forms that can help other people realise their identity as well.

Signing off,
The importance of being Pat

No, we do not live on trees.

The title says it all. Like i said, we do not live on trees, but we do use helicopters instead of sampan.

And i do not blame the national newspaper for this misconception coz they did their job well by reporting this.  However i wud like to take this chance to express my condolences to the pilot's family, n here's sth they didn't report on. 

The sampan is only used during the flood in sibu which occurs at least once or twice per year.

And another thing they forgot to report on is tat animals in Sarawak are treated better than the S'wakians.

I got inspired by a lot of small stories during this coming Sarawak election, hope u enjoy them as well.

p/s :  the words in red are not purposely coloured, they are links which u can click on.  I might add more links to it later so do come back for more inspiring stories.

Summer 09 - the sad part...

during summer of 09, i traveled a bit wif a bunch of wonderful ppl... juz wanted to share a bit of what i did last summer...

one of the places i went is Auschwitz, one of the biggest former concentration camp in Europe... it is situated in south of Poland, near the city of Krakow...

The gate that make the news not long ago... and the notorious motto on it...


No one can understand...

one of the gas chamber tat is not destroyed..

one of the 6 gas chambers in the subcamp of Auschwitz 2...
all of them were destroyed b4 the liberation as an attempt to cover up crimes committed...

Execution wall...

The main gate...

Bachelor-Abschlussarbeit / Praxissemester beim CERN / Genf‏

Trust me... i really really really wanted to update my blog but i find absolutely nth interesting apart from my east europe trip to blog bout and the main reason being lazy... hahas... but decided to share one email tat really caught my eye...

it wud be really really really cool if i can manage to secure a practical place there in the future... wow...

keeping my fingers crossed!

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anger management...

yesterday, i felt this huge ball of fire burning inside me, a sudden anger juz swept over me and i found out tat i cannot contain it and decided to pour out everything here... in the end, i could not find peace within me even after i post it up and then later deleted the post because i noe tat it does not glorify God...

after tat, i went n take a warm shower (i noe i m suppose to take a cold shower to cool myself down but the weather here doesn't permit it) and tat's when i hear a voice telling me,

"Why is it tat u can hate what other ppl did so much, but u can't hate the little things tat u do behind me?"

yes, i can be quick wif my emotions when i see unjust things happening, but y can't i be SO angry wif myself when the thought of not going to class or not wanting to do dishes or not wanting to shake hand wif ppl tat i tot were 'smelly' cross my mind?

maybe it's juz pms - post malaysia syndrome lah... wat were u thinking???

我是综艺咖！

考试越靠近，我就越看综艺节目。其实看来看去，我大概可以知道说，哪些是故意被营造出来的节目效果，哪些是真的真情流入。而且看这种节目，一定要跟懂得欣赏的人一起看，尤其是我妈，以前记得和家人一起看吴宗宪的综艺旗舰时，她可以笑得让整间屋子都震动了起来。然后我发现，看着看着，我渐渐地对电视和电影圈有兴趣了。我可以知道说，一部好的电视剧或电影，它所要告诉我们的是什么，导演为什么要这样表达他的想法，这些演员的排位又是怎样被拍摄出来的，等等。再加上我从小就是个电视小孩，也自称从小看电视长大的。 我曾经参与了以前在团契的一些表演和影片，有导也有演，也对导演的工作蛮有兴趣的。它让我可以把对一个演出所产生的想法实现，让我满足自己的表演欲（我不是一个喜欢上台的人）

写到这里，只是要告诉大家，我想当个综艺咖，不要考德国的考试！！！！

可是又想到在遥远印度的嘉文，还是算了吧，人家比我更可怜，我还是硬着头皮应付这次的期末考。

共勉之。

p/s 1 : 最近讲话会有台湾腔是有原因的。
p/s 2 : 好想家哦！
p/s 3 : 如果想留言，请以中文回复。谢谢！

最后乱加的，我爱风小岳！！！