My own everest

With a fiery rage my legs burned, there was a sharp pain-filled lightening storm brewing in my back and my  shoulders feel like the literal weight of the world has crashed down on them...yikes. So what has happened to me, you ask....well dear friends I have been victorious today. I hiked. enough said right!

I know I'm very proud of myself! It's an incredibly big deal, I feel like a party should be thrown. It's been.............I don't know how long since last I hiked, and I think it showed just a little bit as my huffing and puffing gave the big bad wold a run for his money. The majority of the time I hiked I couldn't help but think about the gossip that would follow, I mean sick people don't hike do they? and oh how much better I must be feeling now that I'm hiking. It's been bad enough not looking as sick as I feel but, oh the scandal of hiking! LOL. 

All that comes to mind is the quote “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”― Albert Einstein. I'm having a fish-being-judged-by-how-well-it-climbs-trees-week....do other people have those?

The thing about a fish climbing a tree is that it is not a probable thing. Thus if it does it wasn't it may not come down once it is up, or it may not do it again. Or in my case it may have been told that it probably couldn't climb the tree at all.

~ElysiaB

I just wanna be okay be okay...

Oh after eights! your oh so tasty, must I eat you after eight? squares, or sticks I don't care what form you come in, as long as it ends in me eating you!

Monday the 12th, I had decided that I would not put up my christmas decorations because even though its my favourite time of year it would remind me how fast my final exams were coming. However, I only held out till that wednesday when a friend commented that I didn't do my regular decorating yet...and that was all it took...I realized how silly I was, as not decorating sadly does not freeze time just my view on reality. You see even if I didn't decorate, exams would still come just as fast. So the next day I decorated with ornaments, stockings, a reindeer and two mini trees, but still I was missing having a big tree so I came up with a tree that can fit in small apartments, and anywhere theres a bookshelf!

And last Monday the 19th, I had just finished a 10 page paper thats 40% of my grade and when I went to get it printed my mac laptop went black. I couldn't find it anywhere, not in the computers trash can, not in any file hiding places I could think of, so my husband and I took it too the Mac store thinking Apple will know how to fix it!...the tech guy said that part of my problem was that I was using word and the other was not backing it up...neither answers helped at the time of. When asked if he could fix it, he said that it would cost 200$, would take a week and no guarantee that it would work...there goes three weeks of researcher, and the essay. The stress probably took a year off my life...lol. In the end we bought an online 80$ program called R-Studio that my husband found, which took a few hours to run and after looking through hundreds of files, recovered it! After that incident I backed it up to the google drive app online. Thus, I could continue on with life and not have to back track.  

This stress compressed onto this weeks busy and tiring schedule, however I did the best I could with what energy I've had. Monday (26th) I was able to get to class and take notes, tuesday I was able to clean the house and make dinner, and today wednesday, I gave a presentation to go with my second research paper. Now, I'm exhausted and the weeks not over. From tomorrow I have a week and a few days till my first final exam and I'm praying I do well in studying. But, right now I feel O so sore and pleading with my body to be okay, just be okay. I plead with my brain to fix the body its the CEO of..

The truth is, I've been keeping a deep secret I refuse to say out-loud, cause that would make it real, and I'm not ready for that again. The truth is I've been getting random brutal stabbing pains in my sides that take my breathe away, and they send this nightmire throughout my body as I feel as though my biggest fear is creeping in on me. It's been a good few weeks without them for the first time in four years and I'm scared because I remember that pain all to well. And in the name of being honest I'd like to be my old self again and I'm still trying to find my way back there. It's weird I was there and the hospital rooms, the ER, the pain, the pain, and the horrible feelings of hopelessness it was all real.. and I remember it all too well. I plead with my mind and body from the depth of my soul don't take me back there when I'm just starting to see past the fog of these years. And I know it's not long gone, and the pain is still here but oh I starting to see through the pollution of pain and I started to hope again. May be I was too wide eyed and naive but I can still picture it the feeling of calm in my bones and the clear sky to focus my mind without all the noise. The volume of the pain was turned down for these few weeks and Id do anything not to go back. O lord have mercy don't let me go back. I was as strong as I could be but I'm tired and just want to rest, I just need to rest now.
~ElysiaB

Artsy Fartsy

So today I feel accomplished! I cleaned the bathroom, cleaned out the fridge, did dishes, and cut up all the veggies and other stuff into bite sized pieces for snacks or just to have on hand chopped up ready to be thrown into a meal. After that I spent two hours reading a textbook on Addictions.

Amazing fact of the day, go figure it's from my textbook, "In Canada, nine out of ten violent crimes are committed under the influence of alcohol and/or other illegal drugs."(from Dying for a Drink, by Anderson Spickard Jr.,MC and Barbara R. Thompson) That just makes you think, wow what if no one did those things would violent crime rates drop to only that one out of ten that were not using a substance.

After I finished reading textbooks I took a break to paint, I found watercolors in a box I was unpacking and realized, I always paint in oil for the bold colors of acrylic for the definition, but what the heck, lets try watercolor! I'm not gonna post how that went, it looks like a two year old got a hold of the paints so instead I'll post so better paintings I've done.  hope you like them :)

So do not compare my art to the bellow awesomeness. lol. the following pictures are just a few I found either amusing or really liked :) 

I wish this wall was close by, how cool would that be! I heard in a German class I took that people out there do cool art on walls like this all the time, and I think that's just the coolest thing it would make life a bit more surreal. I think art is more emotive, it's like everything the person was feeling at that moment right there, in front of you, its profound in it's own way of being an expression. I love that about art, even though in that moment that your painting it means one thing to you and, then a year, or so late someone else sees it and it brings up different feelings for them. Just so cool, how were made with creative streaks in us :)

~ElysiaB

Comments are very Welcome :)

But you "LOOK" so Good!!!

Today, I came across an article that other people with chronic pain in the blog world were raving about and so I took a peek and it's terrific! So You could have a peek too I included a few excerpts below :) hope it can help with a better understanding of chronic pain. 

But You "LOOK" Good!

"Why Seeing Is Not Believing When Dealing With A Chronic Illness!"

Written By: The Invisible Disabilities Advocate, Sherri L. Connell, BA

What Is A Chronic Illness, Anyway?

A chronic illness is a disease or disorder that a person has to cope with on a continuous basis. Many people become so ill, they are unable to work and are forced to give up activities they have always enjoyed. Often their illness goes undiagnosed for years, leaving thousands of people frustrated, depressed and without answers to why their bodies will not cooperate with their desires.

But They "LOOK" Fine! How Can They Be Ill?

Many chronic illnesses such as: *Arthritis, Brain Injury, Crohn's Disease, CFIDS, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Fibromyalgia, Heart Disorders, IBS, Lyme Disease, Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, RSD and many, many more cannot be seen with the naked eye, but are nevertheless persistently keeping the person from enjoying life the way they once knew.

Unfortunately, their families and friends are not often supportive and understanding, because they do not see a broken bone or bleeding head to confirm the complaints. However, do not expect to see a disease that lives below the skin, because most illnesses are not obvious from the outside! Your friend or family member needs you to believe what they are saying is true, without judgment or question.

*This is only a very small sample of the hundreds of chronic illnesses that can be disabling; it is not intended to be a complete list of all debilitating disorders.

So, They Have "Good" & "Bad" Days, Right?

Actually, not everyone with a chronic illness has the same symptoms or degree of symptoms; yet, there are basically three stages in any chronic illness:

1) THE EARLY STAGE: This person may notice occasional symptoms or lack of energy. They start experiencing setbacks from activities that previously never took a thought. If diagnosed in this stage, which is rare, many can get help from their doctors and proper nutrition to cure or prevent further progression of the disease. This person has mostly "good" days with occasional "bad" days.

2) THE MIDDLE STAGE (or the Relapsing/Remitting Stage):

This person may have frequent bouts of symptoms and is forced to make limitations for themselves in order to avoid extreme fatigue and relapse of illness. They reluctantly begin discovering that the simple things they used to enjoy, now must be done with care or sacrificed completely. In this stage, some can lower the frequency of relapse and progression of the disease with help from their doctors and proper nutrition. This person has both "good" and "bad" days, depending on activity and stress.

3) THE LATE STAGE (or the Progressive Stage): This person’s disease has progressed to the point where it does not remit. They live each and every day with symptoms that feel much like having the stomach flu, complete with extreme to unimaginable fatigue, muscle aches, weakness, nausea, cognitive difficulties, dizziness and/or pain.

When they push themselves to do what used to be easy, like dusting a piece of furniture, going to a relative’s house or doing a load of laundry, they pay a high price, because their symptoms worsen to an unbearable level for days and even months. In cases like Multiple Sclerosis, the treating drugs available are effective only for persons in stages 1 and 2. This person does not have "good" days, only "bad" days and "horrific" days.

Well, I Still Don't Understand!

At least once in your life, you have probably experienced having to stay home from work or school, because you were too sick to go; and, I have yet to meet someone who has never had a cold or the flu, tell me they are having the time of their lives and enjoying every minute of it! Or, you may have been hurt in an accident and were forced to give up activities you loved for weeks or even months. So, you know how stressful, depressing and frustrating being unable to do what you want to do can be!

Now, when I refer to being sick, I am not talking about feeling just a little “under the weather” or just not “up to” going to work that day. I am talking about being so sick you can barely sit up or talk, having a fever that makes every muscle ache and your bones feel like they are being crushed. Then, when you try to get up to go to the bathroom, your head pounds, your body feels like it weighs a ton and you become dizzy and nauseous.

Just imagine feeling that way every single day, week after week and year after year. True, some chronic illness sufferers have a few “good days” in between, but many do not have any at all! So, if you see them out and smiling, does that mean they are having a “good day?” Not necessarily! Many times they cannot wait for a “good day” to get out, because they do not have them; thus, they make the sacrifice, sitting there in horrible agony and knowing they will pay dearly for it later!

Do not expect a loved one to always be content with being sick day in and day out! After all, most people become very frustrated and impatient after just a few hours of being sick. Then, if it lasts a few days, they become panicked and angry about missing work, school or other activities. Next, they become depressed and act like a week out of their busy lives is the end of the world! Yet, they often treat their loved ones as if losing months and years out of their lives is no big deal! So, why would you expect your loved one to be happy with losing years of their lives, when you cannot stand to even lose a few days?

It is true, you will never fully comprehend what it is like to be chronically ill, with all of the loss and pain it poses. You will never know what it is like to feel horrible every day and you will never have a grasp at what it is like to watch your lifetime dreams come crashing down forever. So, stop using the excuse that you do not have understanding and start focusing on whether or not you have compassion!

In all, your loved one just wants you see their courage in enduring a life of feeling sick, achy and exhausted all of the time; and, you have the capacity to know you would not want to feel this way every day yourself! You know how horrible it is to be sick and forced to put your life on hold for a while, so why don’t you tell them how amazed you are at their strength and perseverance!

But, What If They "Give In" To The Illness?

When a young ice skater named, Nancy Karrigan was assaulted and suffered a leg injury, she faced the possibility of losing all of that which she had dreamed; the whole world cried with Nancy, because it could have meant the end of her skating career! Yet, when a person loses their job or is forced to give up their career due to illness, for some reason people often treat them like they are choosing to do so; and, they are often insensitive to the fact that the sufferer has lost all for which they have worked, planned and hoped for their future... just like Nancy.

Most people do not "give in" to illness; in fact, it is ingrained in our nature to fight to survive as hard and as long as humanly possibly. If you believe that your loved one is “giving in” to the illness, because they have given up their usual activities, this is just your perception of how they are handling their limitations.

When a person first experiences the effects of a chronic illness, they have a fantastic attitude about conquering it; they feel strong and invincible to its grip. Even if the disease progresses, they will continue to fight for their right to live the way they planned their lives to be; and, they will stay persistent in the battle until their bodies force them to make limitations.

Creating limitations for oneself is one of the hardest things a person can do. It goes against everything we are and everything we ever hoped to be. No one wants to be sick and no one ever chooses to give up those things in life that bring such joy. Yet, these limitations are mandatory in managing a chronic illness; so, respect their new boundaries by acknowledging their losses and supporting their need to say, "No."

It Seems like I Am Always Saying The Wrong Thing!

What can sometimes be even harder to bear than the illness itself, it is feeling alone in the daily struggle and mourning of lifelong dreams. As pieces of oneself die off bit by bit, isolation consumes them when others refuse to affirm their pain. By repeatedly trying to "cheer them up" and make them see the "bright side" you are not validating their pain, but instead saying, "I don’t want to hear the truth" or "your losses don’t matter." On the other hand, if you acknowledge their losses, they will no longer be compelled to gain your belief by having to explain their situation over and over again.

Resist the temptation to make a visual diagnosis by saying, "gee, you look like you’re feeling good today" or "hey, you must be doing well." They may look like they are feeling well, because there is joy in their face from seeing you; however, your comment will only make them realise they are alone in their battle, since you are evidently unaware of their insurmountable hurdles.

In other words, by rebutting their answers with, "But you LOOK good," your friend really hears, "But, I don’t believe you, because you look fine to me." Instead try, "I am so glad to see you," "wow, I can’t imagine what you go through, you are amazing!" "you look nice today," or "how can I pray for you?"

Encourage your loved one by affirming your trust in them, loving them and showing them that they are still just as valuable to you even if they can no longer do the things they used to do; your willingness to acknowledge their losses will give them the strength and positive attitude they need to fight the illness, instead of wasting their energy fighting with you to believe. They are not seeking your pity or sympathy, they simply want your compassion; some will need your help, just listen, they will tell you how.

We, as chronic illness sufferers, do not want to give up; we want to laugh, smile, look our best and enjoy life; after all, it is our incredible courage, perseverance and persistence to fight for our lives that make our painful disabilities seem invisible to the naked eye.

I Never Know What To Say!

Tips On What Encourages & What Discourages Someone With A Chronic, Debilitating Illness!

Written By: The Invisible Disabilities Advocate, Sherri L. Connell, BA

It Seems Like I Can Never Get It Right!

Have you ever wanted to encourage someone with a chronic illness, but it seems like you never know what to say? And, when you finally think of something you know will make them smile, they just snap back at you with frustration?

This booklet will give you a sample of what comments are discouraging and what comments are encouraging and why people suffering from these illnesses feel that way.

I Still Do Not Understand Where They Are Coming From!

The intent of this booklet is to list some "do's" and "don'ts" and to explain how some well-meaning comments can be heart-wrenchingly painful to someone suffering from a chronic illness; you may not understand it completely, because you are not the one suffering from a debilitating disease. Yet, if you desire to encourage your loved one, rather than to discourage them - read on!

Couldn't I Just Try To "Cheer Them Up?"

They will smile when you tell them you are sorry for what they are going through, not when you tell them it is "not that bad" And, they will find strength when they can stop using their energy in attempt to gain your support, because they no longer have to fight your disbelief.

But, I Really Do Think My Suggestions Are Helpful!

The purpose of this booklet is to explain to you why some of the "answers" you have may be hurtful, destructive and actually make you seem as if you really do not care at all.

Your loved one does not need to feel as if they are fighting for your belief, respect and compassion in addition to fighting for their lives!

So, Why Do I React That Way?

There are four basic, natural emotions that occur in response to seeing a loved one become ill. All of these emotions stem from the first stage of tragedy, called denial. Although these reactions are normal, they are often followed by comments which make it apparent to the sufferer that you are not only in denial, but you are refusing to step along side to support them in what they have lost and what they are facing.

What "Discourages" A Chronically Ill Person?

Do Not Disagree With Them, Because You Can't See It:

"But, you don't look sick!" "But, you look like you feel good!" "But, you look good!" "But, you are here, so you must be doing well!" "But, you look fine to me!"

Often, someone will take the time to ask with all sincerity what it is really like to have a chronic illness and what the person is going through. This makes them feel loved and truly cared about until, after they explain their situation, you oppose what they are telling you.

When you say things like, "but, you don't look sick," you are really saying, "but, I don't care what you are telling me, because I can't see it, so I don't believe it." They are being honest with you, try to believe in them and be strong for them.

Do Not Minimize Their Situation:

"It is not that bad!" "It could be worse!" "You're lucky you don't have to work!"

Trying to act like having lifelong hopes, dreams and desires stolen away by a disease is "no big deal," is not only extremely hurtful, but ridiculous! Unless you are in their shoes, you have no right to tell someone "it is not that bad," when you are sitting there knowing you can get up the next day and reach for your goals.

Do Not Act Like You Can Relate:

"I know what you mean, I'm always tired, too." "Join the club." "Ya, I can't get anything done, either." "Hey, I would like to have a maid, too."

If you do not have a chronic illness, you do not know what it means to be sick all of the time! For some reason, people tend to think that if they do not show they can empathize, then they cannot show compassion. Yet, in this situation it backfires, because you cannot empathize!

Many sufferers’ resent comments like, "join the club," because the well person does not have the right for one minute to think they are in the same boat. If a friend is exhausted at the end of the day, I will give them all of the compassion they need; but, when they try to tell me they feel the same as I do, I have to draw the line.

What "Encourages" A Chronically Ill Person?

Acknowledge Their Situation:

"What you have been through is horrible!" "I can't believe what you must go through every day!"

Often times when a person is ill, the people around them refuse to move out of denial about the situation. Instead of listening, believing and showing compassion for what they have been through and what they are facing on a daily basis, they refuse the facts and minimize the severity of the disease.

Acknowledging your loved one's situation lets them know that you are there to accept the facts and move on to practical help. They will know that you are truly there for them to help them deal with their limitations and adjustments. But most of all, they will know that you love them even in their broken state and respect them for their perseverance!

Acknowledge Their Losses:

"I am so sorry you can't work anymore!" "It must be horrible, because you can no longer..." "I can't imagine what you have been through!"

Losing the ability to participate in activities, work and enjoy hobbies is incredibly devastating.

Acknowledging their losses will show them you have compassion for what they can no longer do or enjoy. Most of all, it shows that you believe that losing their ability to do something they once had is something that is unimaginably heart-wrenching for them and not in any way something they have wilfully chosen for themselves!

Show Them You Are Listening:

"Honestly, how are you doing?" "How can I pray for you?" "So, what is really going on?"

If your loved one tells you they do not have "good" days and are instead very ill every single day, stop asking them how they are feeling if all you want to hear is that they are feeling good! - Doing this only makes them realize you are not listening, have absolutely no idea what they are going through and will not love them until they get better or lie.

Instead, why not try, "how are you doing?" This will spark an answer that addresses how they are dealing with their challenges, struggles and emotional state, which, unlike how they are "feeling" can fluctuate.

Being A Comfort In The Face Of A Tragedy

In all, you honestly mean well and truly want to be an encouragement and comfort to others - Yes, accepting what is happening to your loved one means having to deal with all of its pain, mourning and changes, but do not

sell yourself short! After all, if they are forced to live with it, you can certainly choose to live next to it!

"Truly Love Me, By First Believing In Me!"

I Never Know What To Do!

Tips On How To Help Someone With A Chronic, Debilitating Illness!

Written By: The Invisible Disabilities Advocate, Sherri L. Connell, BA

The Balancing Act!

Many people think a person with a chronic illness has a lot of time on their hands, when nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, most chronic illness sufferers do not get the rest they need, because they are so busy spending all day trying to do the things that a "well" person can do in one hour.

Dreaded Limitations!

In order for a chronic illness sufferer to visit with a friend or attend a social gathering, even more daily sacrifices have to be made in order to prepare for the event - They do this by avoiding any other outings or projects around the house for several days, because the energy it takes to sit, smile and talk is incredible! And, by exerting themselves, they will then suffer the consequences for several days, weeks or months and end up even more behind on their daily duties.

So, should you avoid asking them to spend time with you? Absolutely not! Spending time with friends and family who care, gives incredible strength and will to keep fighting the battle! Go ahead and invite them, but allow them to say, "no" if they have to, realizing they would if they could. By showing you want to spend time with them, you will make them feel loved and important.

So, Where Do I Start?

First, it is difficult to recognize there is a need, by simply looking at someone with a chronic illness; often they appear physically able to accomplish any task set before them...

Unfortunately, most people make the mistake of overlooking what their friend or family member is telling them, because they cannot see the disability. Therefore, the first thing you must do, is to learn to listen to their needs, without discounting them with your eyes.

So, What Can I Do?

• As previously mentioned, a person with a chronic illness will tell you how you can help, if you simply listen. Often, they need rides to doctor appointments or would benefit greatly if you could run an errand for them.

• They know you are busy, overextended and do not have a lot of leisure time; they do not want to add to your pressures. The secret to getting them to accept your much needed help is to do something that is convenient for you.

You can do this by - Another way to approach them is to - Or try -

And, What Else Can I Do?

Something most people don't think about is - When you go to visit your friend

Another way to ease their housekeeping situation is to - you would not even have to break a sweat!

Because getting out is often too exerting, you can

In all, remember to listen, believe what you hear, allow them to say, "no" and offer specific help that is convenient for you. Do not worry about making time for hours of strenuous help; what is simple for you could save days of excruciating work for them!

"Just A Little Bit Of Your Time Can Make A Very Big Difference!"

When a friend hurts, we gather around
her. When she has surgery, we line up
outside her door with meals. We send
flowers, cards, and gifts. We provide
childcare and, of course, prayers.
Gradually she heals and is able to return to her every day
life.
When a friend is diagnosed with a chronic illness the natural
cycle of healing doesn't take place. What do we say? Do we
encourage her to remain hopeful? Chronic illness is
permanent and often degenerative, requiring her to change
nearly everything about her life. The emotions that
accompany these changes in her life are often more difficult
to cope with than the pain itself.
What to Say What Not to Say How to Help
What to Say
Be honest. Say “I wish I knew the right thing to say, but I
care and I am here if you need me.”
Ask her if she’d like you to pray for her and ask what she
wants you to pray about. Respect her request. Don’t pray for
healing if she wants prayer for new medications.
Remind him that coping with life’s difficulties is a process
and that the length of time is different for everyone. Tell
him that he is coping well. Just listen. Let her share her
thoughts and feelings with you and don’t say, “I understand,”
if you haven’t been there yourself.
Respect where he is with his faith. If you see him struggling,
be sensitive to it and don’t tell him to snap out if it, that God
is still good. Pray for him silently and be patient.
70
Treat her as though she is still a whole person, despite her
limitations. She wants to feel capable and in control. Let her
make the plans.
Become somewhat educated on his illness. Ask him if he’d
mind answering some of your questions. Remember, just
because you’ve read a book doesn’t mean that you know how
he is feeling physically or emotionally.
Don’t assume that she copes with things the same way you
do. She may gain strength by alone time while being alone
depresses you. Let her cope in her own way and don’t tell her
she is coping in the “wrong” way.
Let him know you are thinking about him. A card or a phone
call can make the difference.
What Not to Say
Avoid giving “God balm.” If you say “God will heal you” or “all
things work together...” she will believe you don’t really
understand and avoid sharing her feelings with you in the
future.
Don’t feel compelled to share every “cure” you’ve heard of
for his illness. He’s constantly bombarded with cures and he
needs you to be his refuge from that.
Be aware of the fact that illness is not just a matter of
attitude. Don’t say, “When are you going to get rid of that
cane?” or “Did you know illness is caused by stress?”
Respect her limitations and be sensitive to them. Don’t say,
“A little walk might do you some good” or “No pain, no gain!”
Only she knows her limits and they will likely change from
day to day depending on many factors. What she could do
yesterday may not be possible today. Don’t question that.
How to Help
Offer specific ways that you can assist your friend. Say “I
am going to the drug store. Can I pick something up for you?”
Look around her home and see where your friend might need
71
some help. Does the shower need scrubbed? The leaves
raked? The carpet shampooed. Offer to take care of these
things.
Volunteer to pick up some groceries rather than do the
cooking. Many times people with illnesses have restrictive
diets, so they may prefer some fresh fruits and vegetables
than a casserole. Ask what meals he is eating and then
freeze some of these for him to have on hand.
Accompany her to places where she may need some
assistance. Get your haircut at the same time, or have the oil
changed in her car while you are eating lunch. Bring an
uplifting personal little gift when you come to visit: some
fresh cut roses, a new book, a funny movie, some cookies for
the children, a blanket, potpourri to make the house smell
good.
Remember that one’s spouse and children have needs too and
these often concern your friend. Take the children out for
awhile so s/he can get some rest. Plan something special for
the children and before you drop them off at the house, pick
up a small “something” that will make their parent smile like
some fresh flowers.
Ask your friend what her concerns are and how you can
address them. One woman who was ill said that she would like
for a friend to make sure her children made it to Sunday
School and church when she couldn’t go.
Ask the person’s spouse how you can help the family. One
spouse was appreciative of gift certificates to the local fast
food restaurants so that the children could occasionally have
a quick meal and his wife didn’t have to worry about making
dinner.

The rest of this booklet which includes other sections such as: 

• Unmasking Society's Depiction of People with Disabilities
• Understanding the Differences and Similarities Between Having Visible and Invisible Disabilities.
• The Invisible Disabilities Advocate
• Pick Your Battles...Chronic pain causes so many losses in our life; it is easy to become overwhelmed
• People in Pain - a search for support
• Conquering Pain, New discoveries and treatments offer hope

Is free on a pdf file linked below:

http://aware-rsd.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/but20you20look20good.pdf

~ElysiaB

ZAZZLED

So today, while in bed with a bad head ache I came across this neat thing called zazzle. Which I think is amazing because I can put my art work and photos onto a ton of different items, and they will do the manufacturing, shipping, for me and I get the royalty % for my artwork awesome right! So heres a few I particularly love...
 

make custom gifts at Zazzle

Hallowed

As I lay resting in my hospital bed with a fuzzy leopard house coat wrapped around me, I watch the time pass by me. And I feel as though the wear and tear of this ordeal is starting to show on my outward appearance, my face is tear stained from the crying over another perfect result, my eyes glazed from drugs being pumped in, and attitude a bit frustrated with a side of frazzled.

The crying was from the MRI results that came back clear of any news. Which is good but sad for someone who has been sick for so long and longs for answers, especially now that I am currently getting a lot sicker.

My eyes are glazed and foggy as even the torratel morphine combo can't keep the pain down.

Yet, my attitude probably shows the most wear as I am extremely frustrated with the psychiatrist the dr. Forced my hand, into seeing. She told me flat out that I look miserable ("Rude!") and continued to tell me that I was sad and depressed even after I told her of my happy childhood. As I answered all her questions I came back to my room not only frustrated with having to see a psychiatrist but pissed off with her rudeness.

Now I lay longing for answers but also a lot less hopeful of ever getting any. The fight must go on and hope must not be lost but for right now, in this moment I feel desperate for everyone to see how real my pain is and have an answer to it or at least some comfort because this is getting to hard. Lord I love you, hallowed be your now when the troubles come in and crash down on me hallowed be your name!

~ElysiaB

Manufacture's, parts, and warranty's

I don't know where my soul meets my body. Some say your soul is your thoughts, and self but the body that houses the brain is just a body. Yet, this disorder makes it feel less and less true, I feel the pain all over and the effects touch everything, so although the soul and body are different I think that as long as they are sharing a space they morph into one. I cannot say to my body, your broken I'm leaving, because where would I go? into another body? but then my soul may morph with a different body it did not grow to adulthood with and thus may lose part of myself in morphing with a new body and then I would no longer be myself. So leaving this body is not an option, it's like marriage till death do we part.

So whats a girl to do with a body thats mechanically breaking down, and the mechanic can't fix it. It's kinda like, when you buy your first car (Papa John John my plymouth Acclaim, he's a tank) it works great, till it gets a few dents, or you take it for a long road trip and it needs a little help after. And it's all fine till the mechanic one day find the muffler is chocking and eventually is bound to say,"I'm sorry miss, but this isn't fixable anymore."

This would be hypothetically, if your body were as easy to fix as a car, truck, or motorbike but we weren't made that way. So that leads us into this next part, well this time let's say you buy a beautiful orange honda motorbike, and then find out it was made with a defect, naturally you would take it back to the manufacture and see if it's under warranty to fix. Which sometimes the stores policy's aren't nice, and I get the whole "you break it, you bought it, policy", but I didn't break it. So since I can't really be like, "hey creator of the universe, Ya, down here! Just saying you were the one who made me but, I have a defect can you fix it? is under warranty?" first, you gotta think before speaking to him like that I mean if he created the entire universe cosmos, and all you think he'd actually make a mistake on a little human, the lets say this creator made a world, put it into just the right atmosphere, with just the right amount of oxygen, water, plant life, animal life, and everything. But  for our point lets say your a jerk or just really confused still, and do go all, "hey creator of the universe, you made a mistake on me." He's gonna be all, black lady accent on you and say "No I didn't,(insert black lady finger waging) I even went as far as to send my son, and he died for your parts fool! you are cleaned, greased, painted, tuned up, fixed and look like new. You just have to faith in me and it'll be okay."

Well faith is being sure of what you hoped for and certain of what you can not see. So may be for some reason it is necessary for a few of us to have scratched up paint, dents, and parts that choke up or even parts we can't change out. One day the warranty might miraculously cover it up but not today. The almighty manufacture had a reason for tightening the bolts like that or adding those loud cracking pipes to you, because may be there's someone out there that only your crackling, coughing, orange honda can only help by having driven down their road before.

I can see in my rearview mirror now, all the things I didn't understand when I was driving through them. There were jumps, turns, and mud, I didn't quite get the point of driving through. I mean the majority of other bikes don't drive there, they stay on the dry pavement because the danger signs mean don't drive there. I'm mean come on they don't put danger signs up so they can laugh at you for taking a long way around. A few times, the road was quite narrow, and I was scared we might roll off the side of a cliff. Yet, I can see back there now, and understand the reasons for taking this route, and that my manufacture really knew what he was doing when he built me this way, and set me on this course. He programmed my GPS for a destination that I'm not sure where it is quite yet, or what the reasoning is but he was right about all the other turns, and the manual to this bike says on its authority that I can make it there, so I keep driving cause now I'm certain he's right even though I can't see it yet.

homemade storage space

So we live in this tiny little basement suite that barely fits our stuff in it, it's laughable actually. Any who so I decided to make my own storage. Now we can't afford to go buy storage bins or any of those clever hid-a-way stuff, but I had some nails, a hammer and a bag collection.

Our closet is more of a weird hallway, theres an awkward door that opens into the entry way of the suite and the actual closet is opposite this empty wall, yet it made for a good empty usable space. So (1)  I nailed a few nails in as a top row and then (2) I hung a bag on the first nail in the top row, to measure how much space to leave before the next row of nails. (3) Once all the nails were in position I went and gathered the electrical cords, computer speakers, and any other electrical loose ends and put them in a bag, and hung it on the wall. I did this with all the small stuff cluttering up valuable cupboard space such as art supplies, nail polish, light bulbs, and linens we only use on special occasions. Afterward I rearranged a few things and my cupboards became a lot more functional and efficient.

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Discussion of both the book of Ruth, and the book of Esther

Discussion of both the book of Ruth, and the book of Esther

quote by Ambrose Redmoon states that,“Courage is not the absences of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”While there is evidence of a few muddy entanglements in both Ruth and Esther's lives, there is also evidence that they made choices that showed courage and trust in God. Although Esther did not know it, at the time, but her choice effected the rest of the world's population and like wise Ruth's choices effected Jesus blood line. Yet, even though our choices are important to us, we need to remember to look at the big picture and how God's sovereign presence in our lives is what makes the choices easier. Through discussion of both the book of Ruth, and the book of Esther, we are shown God's sovereignty, providence, and hiddeness in their lives.

Starting with the evidence of God's sovereignty in the book of Ruth, where it is shown countless times when Ruth had no other option but to trust God's sovereignty in the situations. Specifically, in the love story that forms between Ruth and Boaz we see God's providence as well as sovereignty over their relationship. In Ruth 1:6 When she heard in Moab that the LORD had come to the aid of his people by providing food for them, Naomi and her daughters-in-law prepared to return home from there. This was an example of sovereignty, because God can control the weather. And looking back to before when the people of God were unfaithful to him, there was a punishment of famine yet, God extends his grace later in the book. By bringing food and prosperity back to Bethlehem it draws Naomi, and Ruth back into God's will for their lives. God also places Ruth and her unwavering loyalty into Naomi's life to help her through the struggle of this new poverty, along with her state of depression. 

God's sovereignty in the Book of Ruth shows how we as humans can never be prepared for the trials that we will encounter in our lives. Yet the God we believe in is sovereign and has everything already planned before it has happened, he has provided a way to take care of us in all our darkest moment. Most times God has placed people in our lives before we know we need them and we take itn for granted, not seeing it for what it is. And so likewise, God's sovereignty was also in Boaz's marriage to Ruth, which showed Naomi God's mercy in her life. Perhap's Naomi was at a point in her life where she was so broken down by her depression that she could not see a way out. And so in this state Naomi did not see what a blessing God had bestowed on her from the very beginning. In having Ruth as her daughter-in-law, Naomi was then able to escape poverty and would also be taken care of through Boaz redeeming both Naomi and Ruth. The act of Boaz redeeming Naomi and Ruth, could also be foreshadowing of what God was going to do through his one and only Son, Jesus. Through this book of Ruth we see that Ruth was worth more to Naomi than her two sons may have been, by restoring her to God's will, escaping poverty, and showing Naomi true loyalty. 

In the book of Esther, evidence of God's sovereignty is shown by examples such as “God's power to over rule one of the  important lessons in the book of Esther. Many Christian's today are living on the fringe of God's will. They are not really being directed by the will of god. They are not what we call “in” the will of god. Yet god directs them with his providence. Esther is an illustration of this.”(J. McGee, 1980,pg.189) Although Esther was born a Jew, she is like Malecai the uncle that adopted her after her parents dies and so she is not a practicing Jew. Yet God uses her still for the betterment of his kingdom. After Mordecai tells Esther that it is her duty to talk to the king about the decree that Haman has set in place to exterminate the Jews. (W. Fuerst, 1975, pg33)“in a well known passage (Ruth 4:14) Mordecai reminds her that she will also die if the Jews are liquidated, even though for the moment no one knows that she is Jewish, and he causes her to contemplate her own reason for living as resting in this very opportunity to save the Jews.” 

God's sovereignty in this moment of Esther's life, is in the fact that God knows the outcome before it has happened and has placed her where she was for this purpose.

Esther thinks it all over and tries to make a very queen-like decision by telling Mordecai to gather the Jews and fast. Although her decision is a wise one, it has a downfall in the fact that Esther fails to rely on the one true foundation that she should be  leaning on which is ironically the Jewish God. Through the whole book Esther fails to mention God as well as communicating with God for help.“it is hard to pray when you are out of the will of god.” (J. McGee, 1980,pg.215) While God in his sovereignty has placed Esther in a royal position of authority and in the perfect position to help the Jews.“because she (Esther) became queen, she was able to intervene and intercede  in behalf of her people. An entire people that would have been exterminated at that time had she not been in the position on the throne.”(J. McGee, 1980,pg.188) God's sovereignty and provision's was what saved the Jew's and little did they know it wouldn't be the last time that they would be persecuted.

Similarly, both Ruth and Esther were taken care of in vast amazing ways that neither could have foreseen. God's sovereignty is shown in both their lives, although I have tried to find simliarities in ways that God was sovereign in both of these ladies lives few instances are avalible. Such as how God placed each in the position they needed to be in to fulfill their purpose. Ruth was born and raised a Moabitess but married an israelitie boy that had moved into Moab from Bethlehem, this was truly not a coinicidence. In Ruth 1:1 “Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehemjudah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he, and his wife, and his two sons. 2 And the name of the man was Elimelech, and the name of his wife Naomi, and the name of his two sons Mahlon and Chilion, Ephrathites of Bethlehemjudah. And they came into the country of Moab, and continued there. 3 And Elimelech Naomi's husband died; and she was left, and her two sons. 4 And they took them wives of the women of Moab; the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth: and they dwelled there about ten years. 5 And Mahlon and Chilion died also both of them; and the woman was left of her two sons and her husband.” Through  Elimelech mistake of going against God's will and moving his family from Bethlehem which was in a famine to Moab in an attempt to escape the famine and save his family. God took this act and turn it for good through Ruth marriage into Naomi's family, God was setting the stage and getting ready to use Ruth as his instrument in Naomi's life. Similarly God placed Esther in the palace of the king, and blessed her from birth with good looks that would get her specail treatement for example in Esther 2:8-9 “So it came to pass, when the king's commandment and his decree was heard, and when many maidens were gathered together unto Shushan the palace, to the custody of Hegai, that Esther was brought also unto the king's house, to the custody of Hegai, keeper of the women. 9 And the maiden pleased him, and she obtained kindness of him; and he speedily gave her her things for purification, with such things as belonged to her, and seven maidens, which were meet to be given her, out of the king's house: and he preferred her and her maids unto the best place of the house of the women.”Just like with Ruth, God in his sovereignty placed Esther in the perfect position for where she would need to be in order to influence history. 

Out of the three subjects that I am discussing, the one that stands out the most is the way in which God showed his providence in both ruth and esthers lives. Not only did God take them from sinful places in their lives but he also brought them to a point of heroism. It is never quite evident in either story how God is going to provide for them or if everything will workout okay until Ruth and Esther, take the first step towards him.From the time Ruth's husband dies to the time she meets Boaz, God has known the ending of the story   and so  Ruth has to still make the choices unaware of their effects, and she chooses God. Throughout the book of Ruth it shows multiple examples of how God provided for her through food, protection, and grace. 

When Ruth got up and ready for her first day of gleaning it does not say that Naomi instructed her of which field to and glean at, so we must assume that she had no idea what she walking into. As well for whatever reason that same morning, Boaz was held up from arriving early in his fields and was unaware of Ruth's presence until he saw her working hard to collect as much as she possibly could. To glean grain or other produce was part of the mosaic system. This was God's way of taking care of the poor, and Ruth and Naomi are very poor.  The very fact that Ruth says she wants to go glean grain is indicative of their poverty.(J. McGee, 1980,pg 27) This law was also for strangers and Ruth fell into both categories of stranger and poor, yet this law was also a provision set in place by God. Ruth 2:14-16 also shows that Boaz, once aware of who Ruth is and her presence in his fields make every effort to help her. Although it is also shown that boaz not only help Ruth because of his gerousity but mainly because he is attracted to her. “At mealtime Boaz said to her, "Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar." When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. 15 As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, "Even if she gathers among the sheaves, don't embarrass her. 16 Rather, pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don't rebuke her.” Even though the book of Ruth “does not relate a major incident in the history of Israel, rather, with sensitivity and strict artistic control it exposes the question of human need and how that need is met under divine providence.”(W. Fuerst,1975,pg.5)

Another way God provide's for ruth is through providing protection for her, this is found in Ruth 2:8-9 “So Boaz said to Ruth, "My daughter, listen to me. Don't go and glean in another field and don't go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. 9 Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.”Since Boaz showed his affection towards Ruth, this caused him to also grow, very protective of her. Boaz started telling Ruth not to go to other fields because some may be dangerous for foreigners like Ruth. Boaz also asked his workers to keep an eye on Ruth and make sure she was okay while gleaning.

Thirdly God provided grace for Ruth which is shown in Ruth 2:10-13 “At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She exclaimed, "Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me-- a foreigner?" 11 Boaz replied, "I've been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband-- how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. 12 May the LORD repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." 13 "May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord," she said. "You have given me comfort and have spoken kindly to your servant-- though I do not have the standing of one of your servant girls.” When Ruth chose to make a life long commitment to sticking with Naomi, she also made a life long commitment to God. Ruth shows her faith is real and genuinely repents to God when she states, “thy people shall be my people –  I am forsaking my people, idolaters, and I'm identifying myself with God  's people.” “Ruth makes a real decision for God, she says, 'I accept the poverty. Being an outcast. I also accept the fact that I will remain a widow the rest of my life.' she was willing to accept all that in order to take a stand for God .”(J. McGee, 1980,pg.21,24) and so God showed his gracr in her life by providing for her a new husband that can take care of her and Naomi. God found Ruth a redeemer that would take them from rags to riches as well as provide Naomi with a son. The marriage of Ruth and Boaz is soon blessed with the birth of a son which would be the heir to both  Elimelech and Boa'z inheritence. And even though the son would be from Ruth and Boaz, Ruth would be the woman praised for the event. This is supported in Ruth 4:14 “he women said to Naomi: "Praise be to the LORD, who this day has not left you without a kinsman-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel!”And so God's providence was shown to Ruth in many ways throughout her life, and Naomi's life.

The Book of Esther is almost a contrast to the Book of Ruth as, Ruth is born a moabite yet, ends as a Christian and Esther is born a Jew and saves the Jews yet, has no communication with God. The purpose of the book of Esther is to show how God still takes providential care of his people, even when they are outside of the promised land because of their own disobedience. 

Unlike Ruth, God shows providential care for Esther and the Jews through preparation and circumstances that unfold throughout the book. In Esther 1:1;and Esther 2:20 God's providence play's a prominent part in bringing Esther the ability to rise to power, and also have an influential role in the persian king's life. Since Esther's name was persian it helpped her to maintain a low profile when it came to her religious background as a Jew. When Esther is entered into the beauty contest she was given special treatment in the palce right away which shows that god was taking care of her.(Esther 2:9-10)Through this contest Esther found favor with the king through her natural beauty and then later her psychological beauty. It shows that (God) is arranging the events so that at the proper time he will have someone to intervene in behalf of his people, the Jews. Because she (Esther) became queen, she was able to intervene and intercede  in behalf of her people. An entire people that would have been exterminated at that time had she not been in the position on the throne.              (J. McGee, 1980,pg.188) Aside from Esther becoming queen, Mordecai's position in the governement as a Judge is another way of showing that God was preparing to provide help to deliever his people. In Esther 2:21-23 It tells of how because of his position Mordecai was able to hear of the plot to kill the king. After Mordecai had heard of Haman's decree he talked to Esther, in a well known passage (Esther 4:14) he reminds her that she will also die if the Jews are liquidated, even though for the moment no one knows that she is Jewish, and he causes her to contemplate her own reason for living is resting in this very opportunity to save the Jews.(W. Fuerst,1975,pg.33) Through this Mordecai shows that he thinks Esther's destiny is to save the Jews and so Esther puts herself in a very compromising situation, by barging in on the king without being summoned Esther risks death.

When reading the books of Ruth and Esther it is hard to relate to what they are going through in those moments because as readers we can just keep reading, yet in those moments there are so many things that could have gone wrong. At the same time they risked themselves, inspite of it all, and trusted God even though they were unaware of his plans.

When Ruth was picking which field to go glean at, she had no way of knowing that it would be Boaz's field, she also had no way of knowing that she would be safe that day since it was dangerous for a foreign girl. Through these chances Ruth trusted that God would guide her through, and provide for her needs. Although Ruth's biggest chance was taken when she moved from Moab to Bethlehem with Naomi because she was told her chances of re-marrying were low and that she would become poverty by following Naomi, God's plan was hidden from Ruth in all these circumstances. Yet aside from God being hidden Ruth made the right choices. Ruth could never have guessed what God was doing, in through his providence in her life, through it all Ruth's spirit proved to grow stronger in the trails of her life and showed that in God's hiddeness she would still trust him, and not give up.

In a very different way God was also hidden to Esther, and the Jews. Although like Samson the judge in Ruth's time, Esther chose bad choices to do good for her people. Even though Esther was not a practicing Jew she still stuck to what she knew to be right. After all Esther didn't have to save the Jews and didn't know that she could, but she chose to use her position to restore justice regardless of the risk she would face of being killed for talking to the King without being summoned. More example of god's hiddeness in Esther's life are such that Esther didn't know God would provide for her in the palace, because she did not pray or communicate with God. Therefore God was more hidden to Esther than to Ruth.

In Conclusion, both Ruth and Esther had a lot of courage to do the tasks God laid before them, and in being faithful and fulfilling them God was also faithful to them. As shown above through the discussion of both the book of Ruth, and the book of Esther, we are shown God's sovereignty, providence, and hiddeness in their lives. There choices have gone down not only in history but also In the genealogy of Christ as example of Godly women.