So while flipping across blogs that show neat how to hair do's and DIY projects, I got thinking, "okay, so I lost a lot of who I thought I was, so who am I now?" Well, I've lost a lot of things I used to enjoy doing, to these illnesses and I'm not going to get that "normal" back but what can this "new normal" look like? It's time to regroup and figure out what I'm still capable of. Perhaps, I'll have a weekly goal.
For starters I need to learn to be honest, and genuine in dealing with these on going illnesses, while being around others. Which means I need to learn to express myself and learn to discuss this heavy secret so that people can choose to either except that I have limits, and that the way I feel does not make sense, they can choose to feel however they want about it. or not. But I need to start sticking up for myself and care about how I feel over how everyone else will respond, and if they'll accept me or not. A lot of the time I rather keep my head down deal with it on my own or revert to lying rather than telling the truth, as the result is other people stumbling around trying to find something to say, or being really awkward or just pushing me into what they think would be best. Most often every result is bound to have a common ground, which is a lack of understanding. I need to learn that it's okay to not be okay all the time, and it's okay that others don't understand, but most importantly I shouldn't be so concerned with their reactions those are their's to deal with, they need to learn and I need to be proactive and not such a afriady-cat.
Second, It's time to stop working towards getting back to my old normal and start regrouping and working on figuring out what my new normal looks like. So here I am, moving on with life while grieving forward. I've accepted that this isn't going away, and so I've discovered my bodies limit's, which is most physical activities, and the majority of foods, such as raw veggies, or fruits, anything with grease or oil, and well anything spiced or hard to digest. So I eat a lot of soup, bread, rice, and mushy stuff. Yet, I need to learn to make this grossly bland diet exciting and well even just a tad bit better.
Thirdly, I should give this body of mine some grace as it has new boundaries which I've stubbornly learnt I should be careful not to cross. I used to enjoy being active through cross-country, cycling, hiking, being able to do any activity. Since I can no long handle hiking without sharp electrocuting pains in my chest, ribs, and feeling all around like I'm going to die, I need a new form of exercise to keep in shape. What I've recently learnt is that the mac store has a free app for yoga on my computer, so when I feel up to it I can do yoga and exercise in my living room. Which I admit I should make more time for.
Forth, It's time I add a bit more balance into my life, when I got sick I hardly got around to the hobbies I did enjoy, and to be honest other than painting, my only other hobby was hanging out with friends. Although I still have two wonderful friends I still have coffee with, college life is busy and so it's hard to see them. When I had a big group I was out going and funny and totally fine in the making new friends department, but now I feel severely lacking in my abilities in that area, and now with being married, taking care of a home, husband, and going to school. I've been able to have school, cooking, cleaning, balanced into a schedule but rarely hobbies, and even rarer still making new friends. Thus I need to learn what types of hobbies I can do, and be more open to new friendships.
~ElysiaB
